What to do when someone you love changes their name
One of my wonderful clients recently asked me if I had ever written a guide on how to navigate someone else’s name change, I hadn’t yet so I’m rectifying that today!
This is a blog you can share with people leading up to or after your own name change. Or if you're reading the blog because someone in your life has changed their name this will help you support and understand the different energies at play. It’s also helpful to see the common pitfalls so you can avoid them.
First off, someone else name change is not a reaction to you in any way, please don’t take it personally. No matter what prompts a name change it's a profound and transformational thing to do. It’s not a superficial adjustment and whether or not someone shares their motivations for changing their name with you please don’t dismiss this choice as something frivolous, silly, trendy, or thoughtless.
Change can be triggering, when someone close to us does something big we can react negatively. We attack because we feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Please try to refrain from making statements like “To me, you’ll always be X”, “I’ll never be able to remember this new name“, “You always make crazy and weird decisions!”, “Why would you turn your back on our name/history/past?”, “Don’t you want to part of this family anymore?”, “Your name was chosen by your parents you should be grateful!”, and don’t link their new name to something that could be hurtful like “That sounds like a stripper name!”*
Don’t make a huge deal out of the new name unless it’s in the form of celebration. If you forget or mess up their new name don’t beat yourself up, just try again! Adjust it in your contacts, email, and phone to make it easier.
If you’re curious about why someone is changing their name you can ask in a gentle open-ended way. Some people love to share their reasons, for others it’s a much more personal and intimate journey. No one owes anyone an explanation for a choice like this.
If you live or spend a lot of time in northern Europe then the Law of Jante will have shaped how you instinctively react to anyone who steps outside the societal norms. This is akin to the tall poppy syndrome in Australia, New Zealand, Holland, and Ireland. It works as a kind of leveling mechanism that makes us unkind to certain forms of individuality when we see it in others or even ourselves. If someone's name change triggers this unkindness in you it could be time to allow yourself to express your own beautiful uniqueness and success.
On a spiritual level, I see all name changes as a way to course-correct the path we’re on. As our names are a vibrational fit to the reality we’re living right now, a name change will adjust everything in our field to the new vibration.
Someone who changes their name legally with the help of numerology goes through a 6-12 month period known as The Release. This period is characterized by:
The clear-out of old mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual patterns.
The integration of new mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual opportunities.
Adjustment in boundaries and relationships.
Expansion of creative and spiritual curiosity.
An opening towards the global energies.
The Release is a period of feeling ALL the feelings and getting re-acquainted with our core. This means old wounds show up and we uncover more of the inherent gifts and strengths of our birth date. A harmonious numeroscope given by a pro numerologist clears the way to integrate lost or suppressed parts of ourselves and this shows up in our close relationships and sense of self-worth.
Some of my clients have spent too much time in other people’s emotional lives, blurring the lines of personal responsibility and maturity. During The Release, they retreat and regroup. For their family and close friends, this means that certain ingrained inter-personal patterns can no longer be played out. If you get triggered by someone pulling away during their Release please know that it doesn’t mean that the love and connection are no longer there. It might just shift to a form that is more sustainable and healthy for everyone involved.
The Release often means big emotional variables. We feel more, we connect deeper and often become more expressive. As layers of conditioning get cleared some of the childlike qualities in our personality can show up.
If someone you love is going through big emotional shifts during their release and this triggers something in you please allow both of you a bit of space. Big emotions are part of being human and expressing them is healthy as long as everyone’s boundaries are respected. If you equate big emotions with unsafety there might be a personal pattern for you to look into.
People who change their name through numerology get more access to their own heart and intuition. This often leads to adjustments in their career, personal interest, and goals. They might rekindle a lost creative flame. For the people around them, this can lead to a fear of being left behind. With all these changes where do you fit in? You can share these thoughts and feelings as long as you don’t make it their job to solve the challenge for you.
The glue that holds a family or a relationship together is love, respect, and acceptance of each other’s differences, worldviews, and free will, not a last name or doing everything the same way. Someone else’s transformation is often a gift in disguise for everyone around them.
Many of these thoughts and tips extend to other choices, changes, or adjustments that people make throughout their life. On a global level life is speeding up, people go through multiple careers, move around the world, and try out way different forms of lifestyle and personal expression than our grandparents. This is a good thing. Change and transformation are beautiful experiences. While a name change might not be for you, the fact that someone else makes this choice can push you into allowing a change in areas of your life that you’ve deemed unmovable or unchangeable for too long.
Professional Numerologist + Author
PS: Wanna read more? I've written a short series of blogs about The Phases of a Name Change.
PPS: Share the blog post with someone who'd love to read it!
*There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing this vocation. Yet the statement has been used to degrade and ridicule someone else's name choice.